![]() But that’s what Coffee Stain is going for with its freeform action-adventure title for the month of November: an absurd sandbox game with an unlikely protagonist with little to no consequence as to who you headbutt off a cliff or what you can lick and drag. No, none of this makes a goddamn lick of sense. Wear costumes that bestow him the power of flight, the ability to change vehicle colour, and shoot lasers from his goat eyes.Lick things and grab onto them like a makeshift grappling hook, dragging them to where he wants them to be. ![]() Do a triple jump that sends himself up in the air really high ala Mario from them Nintendo games.Grind on rails and electric powerlines ala Tony Hawk.Unlike other goats, Pilgor himself can do the following: You run, jump, use your horns to ram things and people down, cause mischief, and complete random quests with purposefully vague objectives -usually to set up a punchline- while making goat noises as a form of speech. Terrible novelization aside, you do play as an immortal and indestructible goat in the new Coffee Stain North-developed action-adventure sandbox title Goat Simulator 3. ![]() I am the goat god Pilgor, and there is indeed no rest for the truly wicked. I still have a laundry list of tasks to appease to the hidden Goat gods: a triple front flip, build a house of garbage for a homeless man who may be a wizard, carry giant batteries to power up windmills that may be hiding the house of an Elon Musk parody… it just goes on. And with that, my goately stature has earned a few merit points for the Goat Illuminati, just a few more to help unlock what’s behind the mysterious door in the Goat Castle. That was enough to make the plants grow to dastardly heights, enough to make the giant in Jack’s beanstalk tale get a hard-on. Goats cannot form human words or sentences, so the only sounds that came out of my goat mouth are yelps and bleats. As my goat eyes stared at the chalkboard with simple-but-crudely-drawn plant-growing instructions, I followed the last step of communicating with them. I galloped headbutted my way through the bystanders, grabbed the bag of magical fertilizer nearby and started pouring it over the fledging plants. There I was, at the Fairsmeadow Ranch Green Thumb exhibition where I stumbled upon some seedlings that needed growing. Genre: Open-world action adventure starring a goat with no fail state (that we know of) Platform(s): PC (Epic Games Store), Xbox Series, PlayStation 5
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